I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
