Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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