it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
