I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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