This is not my ceiling
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
