She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
