If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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