he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He? As in you personified your dick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
