Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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