I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
