ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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