You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my poor anus
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
