Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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