His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
