She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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