I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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