The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need moral support for this bender
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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