My brain says no but my pants say off.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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