i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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