listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
