Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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