I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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