when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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