i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
