Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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