I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
