Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
