I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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