i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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