she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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