your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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