Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
