Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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