Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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