he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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