just tell him i said nine months
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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