Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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