Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
