laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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