we have officially lost it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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