I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
