the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
