she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
