As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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