so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
