I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize