My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
