I got chris browned last night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
