I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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