chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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