i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
