ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
