She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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