I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
