All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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