Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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