And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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